Fools fight; winners think.
Karen ChanceMore worryingly, my baby fangs were out, which usually happened only when I was perilously close to tipping over into Mr. Hyde territory. I quickly drew them back in. It didn’t help much. I still looked like Dracula’s daughter. Which was completely unfair, since he’d only been an uncle.
Karen ChanceThey’ll have to eat first. And by the time they’re finished, you’ll be back.”
“With the condoms.” “Right.” “For the giant orgy you’re convinced we’re about to have in the backyard.”
“Dory! Just go!” “I’ll go with,” Ray said, getting up. “I need a snack.” Which was how I ended up condom shopping with a vampire.
Then why are you getting dressed?” “Maybe I don’t like being the only naked one in the room,” I said sarcastically. And immediately regretted it. “That is easily remedied,” he told me, and pulled off his sweater.
Karen ChanceAnd why not?” “You know why! This is a bad idea.” “Perhaps I like a challenge.” “Perhaps you’re a glutton for punishment!” “Perhaps I am in love.
Karen Chanceyou gotta think it’s a waste of—”
“Ray!” I glanced around, but there was nobody within earshot.
“Well, excuse me if I’m not used to buying condoms for aliens,” he said more softly.
“They’re not aliens.”
“Well, they’re not human. I mean, they could have anything under those tunics, you know?
Damn it, the man needed a keeper. Yeah, sure he did. A dark-haired, dimpled, dhampir keeper, which wasn’t going to happen, so just shut up.
Sometimes I didn’t think it mattered what Mircea did in my head, because I was already crazy anyway. “It’s like someone invented you just to mess with me,” I said resentfully. “Quoi?” I sighed.
I don’t know. Just pick one.” “Well, there’s a lot of choice. I mean, you got your flavored, your ridged, your pre-lubed, your thin, your super-ultra-thin, your super-ultra-thin-pre-lubed, your…Huh.”
“Huh what?” “Would you look at this?” he asked, examining a small box.
“It says it glows in the dark.
You know, I was gutting this loser the other day, and I thought, It’d be more fun fighting that little dhampir. I wonder if she’s recovered yet. And here you are.”
“Lucky me,” I said.
Scarface grinned. “You know, I might even let you live. You’re funny.
What’s this shit?” Ray demanded, looking at the salesclerk. “Honey, truth hurts, but ain’t no way you’re a Magnum.” “Well, I ain’t no medium!” The clerk smiled. “Yeah, but I was being generous.
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