But this is who you are. You’re a liar, and a thief, and a junkie. I don’t hate you, Mom. I’m disappointed in you.
Leah RaederHow could it ever, ever be enough?
Leah RaederDon’t come here to fuck with my head and play games. You don’t test someone’s love by leaving them.
Leah RaederYou should love something while you have it, love it fully and without reservation, even if you know you’ll lose it someday.
Leah RaederIt could have been anyone,” I said.
“All the women who look at you when we go out.
Ms. Bisette at school. God, even Hiyam. Why me?”
He stared at the coffee table,
the reflection of snow like confectioner’s sugar sifting down.
“It couldn’t have been anyone,” he said softly.
“For a long time before I met you, I felt my life was this kind of test.
I was in deep, cold water, swimming for shore,
and my arms were getting tired,my skin numb.
On the shore was everything I thought I wanted: a better job, a house, a family.”
He swallowed, his throat cording with tension.
“But I could barely keep my head above water.
Eventually I stopped seeing the shore. Only cold dark blue, in all directions.
I know it’s cliché, but when I met you, my eyes opened.
I looked around, and realized I could stand up whenever I wanted.
There was firm ground under my feet.
That shore in the distance was an illusion.
I was already somewhere beautiful.
I love you, I thought. If I was the only person truly alive that night, it was because of you. You made the world come alive for me and I love you, I love you, I love you.
Leah RaederThe way we looked at each other was more intimate than a kiss could have been
Leah RaederI respect people who get nerdy as fuck about something they love
Leah RaederI can’t be your manic pixie dream girl. I can’t be the girl who teaches you how to open your heart and embrace life and all that bullshit, because I’m trying to figure out how to do that myself. I need a manic pixie dream boy of my own.
Leah RaederUsually the thought process for a seventeen-year-old boy went girl touching me
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