We're giving them hope. That's better than nothing.'
'Spoken like a man who's never had nothing,' I said, and wheeled my horse away.
I peered up at him. He was leaning against the table, arms crossed, the ghost of a smile playing over his lips.
'Mal, I put a hole in the ceiling.'
'A very dramatic hole.'
I let out a huff somewhere between a laugh and a sob. 'What are we going to do when it rains?'
'What we always do,' he said. 'Keep dry.
You were an odd little girl."
"You have no idea. What did you and Toyla play with?"
"The skulls of our enemies.
Vasily chortled. "What a diplomat you've become! You've a most refreshing way about you. Given time, I have no doubt that, despite your humble antecedents, you will learn to conduct yourself with the restraint and elegance of a noblewoman."
"You mean I'll learn to shut up?
I stood there, staring at the closed doors. I reached out and touched the bone handle.
You can fix this, I told myself. You can make this right. But I just stood there, frozen, Mal's words ringing in my ears. I bit down hard on my lip to silence the sob that shook my chest. That's good, I thought as the tears spilled over. That way the servants won't hear. An ache had started between my ribs, a hard, bright shard of pain that lodged beneath my sternum, pressing tight against my heart.
I didn't hear the Darkling move; I only knew when he was beside me. His long fingers brushed the hair back from my neck and rested on the collar. When he kissed my cheek, his lips were cold.
Nikolai laughed. "Next time, bring a flask. Every time he changes his mind, take a sip."
I groaned. "I'd be passed out on the floor before the hour was up.
Just waiting, hoping that you'd miss me enough to tell them all to go to hell.
Leigh BardugoThe Little Palace had become a very lonely place. I was surrounded by people, but I almost felt like they couldn't see me, only what they needed from me. I was afraid to show doubt or indecision, and there were days when I felt like I was being worn down to nothing by the constant weight of responsibility and expectation.
Leigh BardugoI took my time walking down to the lake, hoping that somehow the ache in my heart would ease. My joy at the success on the roof had drained away, leaving me hollow, like a well someone could shout down and hear nothing back but echoes.
Leigh BardugoI didn't know what to say to Mal. I never did these days. But maybe I could just start with the truth: that I was lost and confused, and maybe losing my mind, that I scared myself sometimes, and that I missed him so much it was like physical pain.
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