Ollie-O was in a semicatatonic state, uttering nonsensical phrases like "This is not biodegradable - the downstream implications are enormous - the optics make for rough sledding - going forward -" before getting stuck on the words "epic fail," which he kept repeating.

Maria Semple


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I'd say I never considered myself a great architect. I'm more of a creative problem solver with good taste and a soft spot for logistical nightmares.

Maria Semple

Tag: creativity



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All those ninnies have it wrong. The best thing about Seattle is the weather. The world over, people have ocean views. But across our ocean is Bainbridge Island, an evergreen curb, and over it the exploding, craggy, snow-scraped Olympics. I guess what I'm saying: I miss it, the mountains and the water.

Maria Semple

Tag: seattle



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One of the main reasons I don't like leaving the house is because I might find myself face to face with a Canadian.

Maria Semple

Tag: humor



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The first stop on this crazy train is Kindergarten Junction, and nobody gets off until it pulls into Harvard Station.

Maria Semple


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She didn’t trust people who didn’t like garlic, especially big fried pieces.

Maria Semple


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Life is a stew, and pot is poop.If someone stirred even a teeny-bit of poop in the stew, would you really want to eat it?

Maria Semple


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Can you believe the weather?'...'Actually, I CAN believe the weather. What I can't believe is that I'm actually having a conversation about the weather.

Maria Semple


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Those East Coast rich kids are a different breed, on a fast track to nowhere. Your friends in Seattle are downright Canadian in their niceness. None of you has a cell phone. The girls wear hoodies and big cotton underpants and walk around with tangled hair and smiling, adorned backpacks. Do you know how absolutely exotic it is that you haven’t been corrupted by fashion and pop culture? A month ago I mentioned Ben Stiller, and do you remember how you responded? ‘Who’s that?’ I loved you all over again.

Maria Semple

Tag: life priorities pop-culture niceness



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You bet your bindi that’s how big I want it.

Maria Semple

Tag: humor



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