That sounds so weird: "kill yourself." It makes it sound like you tried to murder someone, only that someone is you. But killing someone is wrong, and I don't think suicide is. It's my life, right? I should be able to end it if I want to. I don't think it's a sin.

Michael Thomas Ford


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I have to keep her in line somehow or she'll think she's the boss of everything.

Michael Thomas Ford


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Byron clapped Walter on the back. 'Good work,' he said.
Walter shook his head. 'You're the one who clocked her with the Stephen King hardcover. That took some of the wind out of her.'
'Thank heavens he's a wordy man,' said Byron.

Michael Thomas Ford

Tag: humor books funny



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Here’s what I think. One, people should figure out that if they go around bothering bears, chances are they’re going to end up bear snacks. Second, people suck.

Michael Thomas Ford


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In my opinion any activity during which you can enjoy a beverage is not a sport. It is a party.

Michael Thomas Ford

Tag: sports



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It's like whoever sits up there in Heaven has this big bag of really crappy stuff, and once or twice a day she or he reaches in and sprinkles a little bit of it over the world and it makes everything go crazy, like fairy dust that's past its expiration date.

Michael Thomas Ford


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I thought you said you were okay with turning forty.

Michael Thomas Ford

Tag: 40



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When did being single become a disease?

Michael Thomas Ford

Tag: single



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If I were a girl, I’d be sucking every cock I could get my mouth on,” Will said. “Fuck, I’d take on the whole football team at one time.”
Burke ran his hand through Will’s hair. “Careful,” he said. “You don’t want to get a reputation as a bad girl. No one will marry you, then.

Michael Thomas Ford

Tag: bad-girl



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If your mother likes your drawing of a duck and hangs it on the refrigerator, that doesn’t mean it’s good.”
“Snob,” Sam said.

Michael Thomas Ford

Tag: duck



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