One day, I went to a soba restaurant outside town, and while I was waiting for the zarusoba I opened an old graph magazine. There was a picture of an exhausted, lonely kneeling woman who wore a checked patterned yukata after the tradegy of a large earthquake. With the intensity of my chest ready to burn up, I fell in love with that poor woman. I also felt a horrifying desire for her. Maybe tragedy and desire are back to back to one another.
Osamu DazaiWhen you've got the devil's own luck, you're immune from the usual run of disasters. Such people must be utilized.
Osamu DazaiLogic, inevitably, is the love of logic. It is not the love for living human beings.
Osamu DazaiThe real things are apt to be deviant.
Osamu DazaiToday, while Mother was watching me work, she suddenly remarked, “They say that people who like summer flowers die in the summer. I wonder if it’s true.” I did not answer but went on watering the eggplants. It is already the beginning of summer. She continued softly, “I am very fond of hibiscus, but we haven’t a single one in this garden.”
“We have plenty of oleanders,” I answered in an intentionally sharp tone.
“I don’t like them. I like almost all summer flowers, but oleanders are too loud.”
“I like roses best. But they bloom in all four seasons. I wonder if people who like roses best have to die four times over again.”
We both laughed.
There was something wrong about thse people. But perhaps, just as it is true of my love, they could not go on living except in the way they do. If it is true that man, once born into the world, must somehow live out his life, perhaps the appearance that people make in order to go through with it, even if it is as ugly as their appearance, should not be despised. To be alive. To be alive. An intolerably immense undertaking before which one can only gasp in apprehension.
Osamu DazaiVictims. Victims of a transitional period of morality. That is what we both certainly are.
Osamu DazaiUnhappiness. There are all kinds of unhappy people in the world. I suppose it would be no exaggeration to say that the world is composed entirely of unhappy people. But those people can fight their unhappiness with society fairly and squarly, and society for its part easily understands and sympathizes with such struggles. My unhappiness stemmed entirely from my own vices, and I had no way of fighting anybody.
Osamu DazaiTag: dark unhappiness japanese-literature
But happiness is being able to hope, however faintly, for happiness. So, at least, we must believe if we are to live in the world of today.
Osamu DazaiTag: happiness
I must go on living. And, though it
may be childish of me, I can't go on in
simple compliance. From now on I must
struggle with the world. I thought that
Mother might well be the last of those
who can end their lives beautifully and
sadly, struggling with no one, neither
hating nor betraying anyone. In the
world to come there will be no room for
such people. The dying are beautiful,
but to live, to survive – those things
somehow seem hideous and
contaminated with blood.
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