Tobey puts the CD on. Then he comes over and hugs me. I lean my head on his chest.
'I want to know everything about you,' he whispers.
Tag: sara
I'm sorry.'
Congratulations.'
Can you tell me why you're so upset?'
The thing is, Tobey should get this. I mean, he's gotten everything else about me. And I don't want to explain it all. So much of it has to do with jealousy, and I know it's stupid to be mad at him because he had a life before me. But I am anyway.
Tag: sara
It's weird how time can change something you thought would always stay the same.
Susane ColasantiHe has to wair for another load of laundry to get done. So I wait with him. I lean back against the couch, sitting really low the way I like. I scrunch over and put my head on his shoulder. We sit like that for a long time. Watching other people's laundry dry.
Susane ColasantiI'm so excited that my stomach is in a jiggle-jaggle of nerves.
There they go again.
Jiggle.
Jaggle.
I'm a mess.
I can't take it anymore. The waiting. The wanting. Something inside me snaps. I hate myself. I hate that I have to deal with this. I hate my life. And I hate how I can't count on anyone to be completely there when I need them, exactly the way I need them to be.
Susane ColasantiTag: hate
There are some things I can't control,
Susane ColasantiTag: control
I want to be the kind of person who can do that. Move on and forgive people and be healthy and happy. It seems like an easy thing to do in my head. But it's not so easy when you try it in real life.
Susane ColasantiTag: forgiveness
I mean, maybe under the surface, somewhere that's hard to see, I've known it had to end for a long time. I just never thought I'd be the one to end it.
Susane ColasantiTag: endings
Things fall apart, even when you think they're stronger than anything you could ever imagine.
Susane ColasantiTag: entropy
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