The voice in my head is is fond of upper-case. It's like having a sub-cranial golden retriever.
Tabitha McGowanShe wore a cantilevered, augmented-breast-skimming satin dress the colour of egg-yolk. Somewhere in deepest Nebraska, a prom queen two sizes smaller than Selena was wondering where the fuck her outfit had disappeared to.
Tabitha McGowanI didn’t know what the hell to say to that. I just gave an ungrateful sigh of exasperation and pulled the sweater over my head.
‘It’s just your colour,’ Henry enthused.
‘And you can fuck right off,’ I said.
Oh, Jesus Christ on a fuckin’ pushbike.
Tabitha McGowanI’ve got one of those horrendous personalities that needs to know every detail about whatever I’m working on.
Tabitha McGowanLilith Bresson, innocent of everything except having a bastard for a father, took her new fate with a calm that was terrifying.
Tabitha McGowanNormally the first to read the small print, I had deliberately hidden away any paperwork that referred to this ridiculous task, and now I found myself kissing goodbye to a laptop, a mobile phone and two fully-loaded MP3 players, not to mention the halogen light that allowed me to work through the night if I so desired. I stared disconsolately out over the shimmering tarmac and wondered if I might be granted permission to shave my legs.
Tabitha McGowanGod, I’ve just figured out what’s missing – you ditched the hallowed Albermarle Teddy Bear!’
I nodded. ‘Banished to a dark cupboard for all eternity.’
‘You cold-hearted bastard.’
‘Give me a hot water bottle any day. At least they have some appreciable function. Not like that pathetic pile of overpriced fake fur and anthropomorphic bullshit I locked in the wardrobe.’
‘You have serious teddy bear issues.
Tag: humorous
[...] Lilith turned on me with the same fury I had watched her unleash on that fat bastard on the TV and I seriously feared for my balls.
Tabitha McGowanThe tricky bit was figuring out where we were because I couldn’t imagine anyone, God included, daring to send Lilith Bresson to hell.
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