He smiles and the world is okay. It feels like it grew a tiny bit. Like I let him into the small corner where I live. He grabs my hand, squeezing it and kisses the top of it, "Now stop trying to scare me off with talks of having kids and area rugs and shit. I'm not going anywhere.
Tara BrownHe clears his throat, "Have you considered he sees you as a girl at school? Not all girls are whole when you meet them. Sometimes you have to help them get there. Right now, you are a broken girl. That doesn’t mean that you'll always be broken. That doesn’t make you less of a girl." He clears his throat again, "I'll call the doc. She'll want to talk to you."
The tears in my eyes don’t come out. They stay in there like tiny kaleidoscopes, trying to make the world the way I need it to be. My words don’t come right away either. I don’t hear the click on his end when I whisper, "I'm not broken." But he isn’t there. He never really is. He is the master of not being there.
His voice is deep and relaxed, "I thought he was your dreamboat?"
I laugh, it's playful and resembles a giggle, "Who even says dreamboat?"
"Well?"
I shake my head, playing with the edge of the blanket I'm lying on. "No. Not so dreamboatish."
He sighs and I'm not entirely sure it isn’t relief, "Why? Did he hurt you?"
I press my lips together and nod. It takes me a minute to answer, "I guess so."
"How?" His voice is angry. The switch is fast and slightly creepy
He steps forward and kisses my forehead. His breath is soft, devastating warmth on my face. He turns and leaves. He chooses survival over me. It's no different than what I have done. We are both just trying so hard to survive me.
Tara BrownI needed to see you." He repeats himself.
I smile. I like that word, need. It's not want. He had no choice because it was a need to see me. I like that.
You okay Em?" Stuart asks from the hole between our cells.
I shake my head, forgetting he can't see me in the blackness of the room. But I can't form words. I know he will understand. I suspect he's felt the same a few times. God knows what they’ve done to him.
I shake my head, "What can he do he hasn’t already done? What can anyone do to me that hasn’t already be done?" I turn and face her, "I don’t have any walls left, Shell. I'm like a single tree standing in a field for everyone to see. There is nowhere for me to hide.
Tara BrownThe door dings. I glance out and realize we are at the foyer again. A lady is standing there looking at us. She's holding a small shivering dog and they both look horrified. I follow her gaze to my shredded panties lying on the floor of the elevator.
Tara BrownI'm breathing out of my mouth and thinking things I have only seen on Netflix in the foreign-movie section.
Tara BrownHow is he so rich and hot and normal?"
I shake my head, "He's rich and hot, but he's not normal. I see a sickness in his eyes. They're broken like mine. Like a mirror with cracks in it but none of the glass has fallen out of the frame.
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