I want to marry Mommy. We'll kiss and we'll marry and I'll take her on dates and we'll be best friends forever and make lots of phone calls with each other.
Tara SivecOh, sweetie, you are a jackass. I love you, but you are dumber than a one legged duck in an ass kicking contest when pigs fly.
Tara SivecI was trying to figure out a way to tell him his love mayonnaise had mad skills and no one at this table could stop talking about vibrators.
Tara SivecWhen you were little and you were afraid of the boogey man, getting under the covers meant he couldn't see you or grab your foot while you were sleeping. True story. I figured the same rules applied with dead people watching you masturbate.
Tara SivecUm, tequila please?” I asked questioningly, enunciating each word as best as my drunken mouth would allow. So really, it came out as “Uff, shakira pea?
Tara SivecJim, would you rather have your porn name be Hugh G. Rection or Mike Unstinks?
Tara SivecShe smells like chocolate and I don’t like to be spanked.
Tara SivecI gained fifty-six pounds when I was pregnant with him. Do you have any idea what it’s like to look down and not be able to see your vagina?”
“Uh, no,” I muttered.
“My ass had its own zip code.
Sometimes you have to learn to love the little mo stars for something other than a tax deductions they provide you" ~Claire
Seductions
Sweet mother of God. I was kidding about you crushing on her, but I’m right. Oh my God, you are totally jealous of her bodyguard! Oh this is priceless!” Gwen starts laughing.
“This is a job, nothing else. Just like Mrs. Henderson last week was a job. I don’t mix business with pleasure. Ever,” I tell her firmly.
“Mrs. Henderson is ninety-two years old and thought her dog was stealing food out of her fridge. I would hope to God you would never mix that kind of business with pleasure. That’s just gross,” Gwen says with a grimace.
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