The world is on fire, I thought wildly. See it burn and oh, my God, it burns for us.

T.J. Klune

Tag: burn-elementally-evolved tj-klune



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A travesty of epic proportions,” Tock agreed. “How much you wanna bet they couldn’t even turn the computer on?

T.J. Klune

Tag: humor



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More Latin?” I was going to need a fucking guidebook to keep track of a language I thought was as dead as my mother.

T.J. Klune

Tag: humor



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Then it was just the two of us. Me and Captain Hetero of the Straight Brigade.

T.J. Klune

Tag: humor



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My name is Bear. I am a reluctant homosexual (or, at least, I resemble one). My boyfr—er, life partner (gag!), is apparently like a forty-year-old woman, and his biological clock is exploding all over the place, and we don’t know how to turn off the alarm. We need a woman (ha!) to allow us to put our sperm into her so that we can create the miracle that is life! You, as the surrogate, must not be crazy!!!!!

T.J. Klune

Tag: who-we-are



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If God is real, I think he might be some kind of masochist. I imagine he sits there up on his cloud, long white robes flowing, drinking a forty of Mickey’s and smoking a Winston as he flips me the bird and plans what he’ll do next to piss me off.

T.J. Klune

Tag: who-we-are



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We’ll count it, even if it’s so incredibly gay that it should come with its own packet of fairy dust that you could sprinkle in the air when you say it.

T.J. Klune

Tag: who-we-are



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He squints at the screen. “So, would you call yourself a… hmmm, that doesn’t sound appropriate… a ‘nasty come hungry bottom dumpster bitch’?”

I wish life was more like cartoons and a piano would fall on him and his teeth would become the piano keys as stars circled his head.

T.J. Klune

Tag: who-we-are



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Hey, remember when you didn’t know that you wanted Otter to spray his man babies all over your face and we didn’t have to talk about our feelings all the time?”

“Yeah, those were the good old days.

T.J. Klune

Tag: who-we-are



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Nothing's too fast if it means forever.

T.J. Klune


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