My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a Quaker.

Woody Allen


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Kugelmass, unaware of this catastrophe, had his own problems. He had not been thrust into Portnoy's Complaint, or into any other novel, for that matter. He had been projected into an old textbook, Remedial Spanish, and was running for his life over a barren, rocky terrain as the word tener ("to have") - a large and hairy irregular verb - raced after him on its spindly legs.

Woody Allen


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Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

Woody Allen


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Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.

Woody Allen


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So then, what do you believe in?
Sex and death. Two things that come once in my lifetime. But at least
after death you're not nauseous.

Woody Allen


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Living is messy.

Woody Allen


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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Woody Allen


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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody Allen

Tag: life money poverty finances



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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Woody Allen

Tag: gastronomy



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We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand scale, most of these choices are on lesser points. But we define ourselves by the choices we have made. We are, in fact, the sum total of our choices. Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly, Human happiness does not seem to be included in the design of creation. it is only we, with our capacity to love that give meaning to the indifferent universe. And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying and even try to find joy from simple things, like their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more

Woody Allen

Tag: crimes-and-misdemeanors



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