Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.
Eugene MirmanTag: humor advice school abuse bullies
Prom night can be a special night, if you let it be. I know you think it's for losers and something that popular kids do because they are boring people with porcelain hearts who don't know what it means to be lonely. But you're wrong. Prom is a chance for everyone to try oral sex. Go for it.
Eugene MirmanTag: humor advice school parties sex prom
Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive.
Eugene MirmanIf things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.
Eugene MirmanTag: humor advice support talking
Of course, to avoid getting stuck in that convo with someone you dislike or feel uncomfortable around, don't be passive, be proactive. Do not let them direct your interaction on their terms, do it on yours. Ask a Misdirection Question--something too difficult to answer quickly--e.g., 'What's Congress up to?' or 'You ever learn any cool science?' When you ask the question, don't make eye contact, keep moving and get out of there. Do not wait for a response and deny ever asking it. Repeat these actions until you are never again spoken to by that individual (about four times).
Eugene MirmanTag: humor advice conversation
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
Robert FrostTag: inspirational advice caution cautionary
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Walk with care in dark places, and do not put your faith in anyone who promises you the forgiveness of the Lord or a certain place in Paradise.
Clive BarkerTag: advice
I have never yet figured out what to do about good advice that you get, and that you know right away would help you, but that you cannot follow.
Holly LisleTag: humor advice attitude frustration
Books. They are lined up on shelves or stacked on a table. There they are wrapped up in their jackets, lines of neat print on nicely bound pages. They look like such orderly, static things. Then you, the reader come along. You open the book jacket, and it can be like opening the gates to an unknown city, or opening the lid of a treasure chest. You read the first word and you're off on a journey of exploration and discovery.
David AlmondTag: inspirational advice books adventure book reader discovery readers covers
There's no time for hatred, only questions. Where is love? Where is happiness? What is life? Where is peace?
Jeff BuckleyTag: life inspirational advice love peace jeff-buckley no-hatred
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