I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks!”
-Totie Fields-

David DeBacco

Tag: diet comedy jokes



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And then split his own cranium in half. I would like to see you do that yourself Blore. It would take some practice.

Lombard Philip Lombard

Tag: comedy mystery and-then-there-were-none



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It was the first time her eyes had really met mine and to be honest I think there was more warmth between the lamb chops in the freezer." Daniel meeting Felicity in Cousin Felicity and the Eels of Misty Point.

Kaal Kaczmarek

Tag: funny comedy suspense middle-grade



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BALLS! We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them HERE, and we want them NOW.

Bruce Robinson

Tag: drinking comedy wine



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Few people actually read. Instead, everyone likes pretending they read. If we spent as much time reading as we say we do, we'd be grossly overweight and depressed.

Dan Wilbur

Tag: comedy



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Another case for the dumbness of reading, however, is that books do not contain answers, but rather pose more questions. And asking questions makes you look dumber, not smarter.

I thought Alice's Adventures in Wonderland would be a delightful romp through a child's subconscious, but while reading it I started to ask questions like "How do you really speak to other humans when our language often means the opposite of what is intended?" and "How do I really know anyone?" And so on, until I was asking the question "Why even exist at all?"

That didn't make me smarter! That made me wish for death, and being dead looks way dumber than being alive.

Dan Wilbur

Tag: comedy



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I didn't wait for Luck. I raced after it with a truck.

A.A. Bell

Tag: inspirational romance fantasy science-fiction comedy



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She forks up a little nibble and wedges it in her mouth. "Yum," she croaks.
Mrs. Wong looks pleased. "It's made with tofu."
I can't resist. "Free-range tofu?"
My mother looks over at me sharply.
Mrs. Wong takes the bait. "Now, Cassidy, tofu isn't an animal," she chides. "It's soy bean curd. Soy bean curd doesn't need to roam free."
On the floor below me, Emma lets out a little snort. I nudge her again with my foot. We're both grinning at the thought of a corral somewhere with little cubes of tofu wandering around. "Home, home on the range," I sing to her under my breath. "Where the deer and the tofu roam free...

Heather Vogel Frederick

Tag: humor comedy young-adult-fiction



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When my mother passed away several years ago—well, wait a minute. Actually, she didn’t ‘pass away.’ She died. Something about that verb, ‘to pass away’ always sounds to me as if someone just drifted through the wallpaper. No, my mother did not pass away. She definitely died.

Steve Allen

Tag: humor death comedy euphemism



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In comedy laughter settles all arguments.

Robert McKee

Tag: laughter comedy argument



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