I’d like you to come to Kauai with me,” I say. “And Scottie. I think it would be good to get her away from the hospital for a day. We can leave in the morning, find him, and be home tomorrow night. If it takes us a day longer, that’s fine, but we won’t stay more than two nights. That’s our deadline. If we don’t find him, then at least we know we tried.”
“And this will make you feel better somehow?”
“It’s for her,” I say. “Not for him or me.”
“What if he’s a wreck? What if he loses his shit?”
“Then I’ll take care of him.” I imagine Brian Speer wailing on my shoulder. I imagine him and my daughters by Joanie’s bed, her lover and his loud sobs shaming us. “Just so you know, I am angry. I’m not this pure and noble guy. I want to do this for her, but I also want to see who he is. I want to ask him a few things.”
“Just call him. Tell his office it’s an emergency. They’ll have him call you.”
“I want to tell him in person. I haven’t told anyone over the phone, and I don’t want to start now.”
“You told Troy.”
“Troy doesn’t count. I just need to do this. On the phone he can escape. If I see him in person, he’ll have nowhere to go.”
We both look away when our eyes meet. She hasn’t crossed the border into my room. She never does during her nighttime doorway chats.
“Were you guys having trouble?” Alex asks. “Is that why she cheated?”
“I didn’t think we were having trouble,” I say. “I mean, it was the same as always.”
This was the problem, that our marriage was the same as always. Joanie needed bumps. She needed rough terrain. It’s funny that I can get lost in thoughts about her, but when she was right in front of me, I didn’t think much about her at all.
“I wasn’t the best husband,” I say.
Alex looks out the window to avoid my confession. “If we go on this trip, what will we tell Scottie?”
“She’ll think we’re going on a trip of some sort. I want to get her away from here.
Tag: father daughter matt-king alex-king
You’ve already said that,” Alex says. “Why should I go?”
“You’re the only person I have,” I say. “And I want us all to be together. It will be good for us.”
“Oh, so now I’m back in the picture again.”
“Alex. Something bigger than you is occurring right now. I’m sorry about your unhappy childhood.”
She glares at me in that special way of hers and Joanie’s that makes me feel worthless and foul-smelling.
“So we’ll tell Scottie we’re going on a vacation while Mom is in the hospital?”
“It’s for a day or two,” I say. “Scottie’s been in the hospital every day for almost a month now. She needs a break. It’s not good for her. I’d like you to be in charge of answering any questions she may have. She looks up to you. She’ll hang on whatever you say.”
I’m hoping a leadership role, a specific chore, will make Alex act like an adult and treat Scottie well.
“Can you do that?”
She shrugs.
“If you can’t handle things, let me know. I’ll help. I’m here for you.”
Alex laughs. I wonder if there are parents who can say things to their kids like “I love you” or “I’m here for you” without being laughed at. I have to admit it’s a bit uncomfortable. Affection, in general, is unpleasant to me.
“What if Mom doesn’t make it for two days?”
“She will,” I say. “I’ll tell her what we’re doing.”
Alex looks uncomfortable with this idea, that what I’ll say will make her mother want to live. “I’m bringing Sid,” she says. “If he doesn’t come, then I’m not going.”
I’m about to protest, but I see the look in her eyes and know this is yet another battle that I’m bound to lose. Something about this guy is helping her. And Scottie seems to like him. He can keep her distracted. He can work for me.
“Okay,” I say. “Deal.
Tag: father daughter matt-king alex-king
Our Father Who Art in Heaven gathered more meaning for me as my own father joined the Maker when I was still in school.
Andy PaulaTag: school heaven maker father
Genesis began with the Father losing His family. Revelation ends with Him getting them back. Is there nothing to be learned from this sad cycle? Truly, family is the legitimate theme of holy text.
pg vi
Tag: family divorce father happy-endings daughter family-loss god-lost-his-family holy-text sad-cycle theme-of-bible theme-of-holy-text
Without you there would be no me.
I am everything reflected in your eyes.
I am everything approved by your smile.
I am everything born of your guidance.
I am me only because of you.
Tag: growing-up children direction teaching mother parenthood i-am guidance father me parent richelle i richelle-goodrich
What do you know about somebody not being good enough for somebody else? And since when did you care whether Corinthians stood up or fell down? You've been laughing at us all your life. Corinthians. Mama. Me. Using us, ordering us, and judging us: how we cook your food; how we keep your house. But now, all of a sudden, you have Corinthians' welfare at heart and break her up from a man you don't approve of. Who are you to approve or disapprove anybody or anything? I was breathing air in the world thirteen years before your lungs were even formed. Corinthians, twelve. . . . but now you know what's best for the very woman who wiped the dribble from your chin because you were too young to know how to spit. Our girlhood was spent like a found nickel on you. When you slept, we were quiet; when you were hungry, we cooked; when you wanted to play, we entertained you; and when you got grown enough to know the difference between a woman and a two-toned Ford, everything in this house stopped for you. You have yet to . . . move a fleck of your dirt from one place to another. And to this day, you have never asked one of us if we were tired, or sad, or wanted a cup of coffee. . . . Where do you get the RIGHT to decide our lives? . . . I'll tell you where. From that hog's gut that hangs down between your legs. . . . I didn't go to college because of him. Because I was afraid of what he might do to Mama. You think because you hit him once that we all believe you were protecting her. Taking her side. It's a lie. You were taking over, letting us know you had the right to tell her and all of us what to do. . . . I don't make roses anymore, and you have pissed your last in this house.
Toni MorrisonTag: women feminism mother feminist father brother son abuse song-of-solomon male-privilege
Can you become a man without becoming your father?
Hisham MatarThe greatest legacy a father can leave for his children before he departs is PEACE, otherwise his properties will go in PIECES sooner that he dies.
Israelmore AyivorTag: progress love family peace children death fight child die unity mother harmony food-for-thought legacy impact father pieces inheritance properties died good-life dies inherit israelmore-ayivor pass-away at-peace-with-all be-at-peace good-family good-father good-parents peace-party peaceful-environment
Good parents use the mistakes they did in the past when they were young to advice the children God gave to them to prevent them from repeating those mistakes again. However, bad parents always want to be seen as right and appear "angelic and saintly" as if they never had horrible youth days.
Israelmore AyivorTag: honesty advice past parents integrity children god youth mistakes angels teaching mother parenting food-for-thought lessons saint angel father young training clean dirty behaviour be-honest repeat behavior parent mothers-day prevent prevention good-mother horrible good-life advise past-life angelic my-mother israelmore-ayivor fathers-day my-father advising good-father good-parents advicing bad-character bad-life bad-parents good-charcter happy-fathers-day happy-mothers-day horrible-life prevention-is-better-than-cure repeat-mistakes saintly salf-righteous teach-your-children tel-the-truth train-up-a-child unspotted youth-days
In hindsight, the grand hero ideal she always thought he encompassed chipped away and all that remained was a cheap imitation. He embodied everything she’d hidden from in her adolescence. Boyfriends, relationships, and sex all led to disaster. Being alone was better than shattered and broken like mother: disenchanted with the life she’d been forced into.
Callie HunterTag: family disappointment father disenchanted
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