Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?"
Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.
Tag: artemis-fowl funny relativity time-travel artemis-fowl-humor
That will be her undoing," gasped Artemis, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. "Artemis Fowl will never be secondary."
"I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.
Tag: artemis-fowl funny artemis-fowl-the-2nd
I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her.
Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.
Tag: life pessimist perspective funny optimist grandma
A jealous woman does better Research than the FBI.
Aetiyuel WilliamsEat your heart out. Oh, wait. You can’t. It’s not organic.
Susan Elizabeth PhillipsTag: romance funny contemporary sep
A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.
BauvardTag: humor love funny idealism men-and-women
I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.
BauvardTag: humor disillusionment growing-up cynicism childhood funny idealism
Dude,” I said low. “All cornfields are haunted. Trust me. I know.” Then I came up on my elbows so I was closer to him and I said quietly, “They whisper to you.”
Kristen AshleyTag: funny
I’m not going to fucking calm down. I’m going to hunt that bastard down and murder
him.”
“Oh fuck,” Hank rocked back on his heels, his eyes went to the ceiling, his hands went to his hips.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothin’.”
“What?” I asked, louder.
His eyes came back to me. “You aren’t
huntin’ anyone down.”
“Wel … no,” I said, staring at him like he was crazy. “I was just saying that because I’m mad as hell. I wouldn’t begin to know how to hunt him down.”
Tag: funny
“Fuck! ” I shouted and everyone at the espresso counter looked over at us. “Half a million dollars?” Lee dropped his foot and turned to me. “Roxie, calm down.”
“Half a million dollars and he bought me cheese puffs and took me to that sleaze bag motel? I’m gonna fucking kill that motherfucker!” I yelled.
“Roxie –”
I slammed my fists on my knees. “The least he could have done was bind my wrists with VELVET ROPE. He sure could have afforded it. Stupid jerk.
Tag: funny
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