We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
Dark Jar Tin ZooTag: humor life love passion relationships funny colors color blue green interest yellow disinterest
I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
Dark Jar Tin ZooTag: humor life age love food time death relationships absurd funny old-age leftovers nonsense retirement cannibalism cannibal retirement-home
She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible.
Dark Jar Tin ZooTag: humor life money love sex funny trust responsibility babies names birth irresponsible condoms baby baby-names fiscally-irresponsible
I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.
Dark Jar Tin ZooTag: humor life love relationships absurd funny nonsense car parking handicapped disabled
Let me be clear: I don’t want to make love to a mannequin—I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.
Dark Jar Tin ZooTag: humor life love sex relationships funny clarity bed making-love animated mannequin
Sylvia grabs my sleeve. “He’s a looker.”
“I know. The problem is, he knows it, too.
Tag: romance humour funny young-adult-fiction young-adult-romance
I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.
Dark Jar Tin ZooTag: humor love deception funny question deceit answer numbers scale deceived delirious rating rate
If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.
Dark Jar Tin ZooTag: humor love funny value worth worthy bronze word-junkies medal silver-medal
All of them are the same type; girls with overprocessed hair and too much makeup and way too much access to Daddy’s credit cards. Girls who, if you took away the designer labels, hair dye and cover-up, wouldn’t be more than average-looking, but with all that stuff look too plastic to be pretty.
Hannah HarringtonTag: humor truth girls beauty society funny fact makeup face plastic
What’s with all those tattoos? Makes you look like a hooligan.”
“I suspect I am a hooligan.
Tag: romance humour funny young-adult-fiction young-adult-romance
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