This is stolen? We're in a stolen jet?"
"Not stolen," said Donegan Bane from the co-pilot's seat.
"Almost stolen," Gracious corrected.
"Semi-stolen," said Donegan.
"Quasi-stolen," said Gracious.
Aurora's frown did not turn upside down. "So is it stolen or not?"
Donegan and Gracious hesitated.
"Yes," they both said together.

Derek Landy

Tag: humor funny planes pilot skulduggery tanith-lee maleficent



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Aurora sagged. "Why is it," she asked, "that every time I'm with you two we end up stealing something big?"
"We always return it," Donegan said, a little defensively. "Maybe not always in one piece or necessarily to the right person but return it we do, and so it is not stealing, it is merely borrowing."
Gracious looked at him. "It's a little bit stealing."
"Anyone who leaves a private jet just lying around deserves to have it stolen."
"It wasn't lying around," said Gracious. "It was locked up tight. It took us an hour to dismantle the security system and get inside."
Donegan looked at him. "You're not helping.

Derek Landy

Tag: funny accident plane skulduggery leave valkyrie tanith-low gracious malifecent



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Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it's sequels, Monster Hunting for Beginners is Probably Inadvisable and Seriously, Dude, Stop Monster Hunting.

Derek Landy

Tag: humour funny girl hunting low wolf monster skulduggery valkyrie tanith gracious darquesse



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Ladies and gentleman," he said over the speakers, "welcome aboard this recently liberated Gulfstream V. If I could have your attention for just a few moments, I'd like to go over the safety features of this aircraft. It has an engine, to make us go, and wings, to keep us in the air. There are seatbelts, which won't do you an awful lot of good if we fly into the side of a mountain.

Derek Landy

Tag: safety funny rules craft air plane fly tanith malifecent



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She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.


Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Tag: humor truth love communication relationships funny distraction listening distracted



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Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls.


Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Tag: humor love funny trees hug hugging forestry tree-hugger



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My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some.


Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Tag: humor love funny horse glue



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I was just wondering, what would you say to a pair of kittens?"
""Hi, snack food?

Kaje Harper

Tag: funny kittens



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I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil).


Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Tag: humor love sex funny brick-and-blanket-test brick-and-blanket-uses



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I make love like farm equipment—not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can’t tell it.


Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Tag: humor love sex funny farm cousin farm-equipment



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