Nerd life is just so much better than regular life.
John GreenTag: funny quote true author john-green
You're a little bit of a show-off. First you get us out of hell. And then you defeat like the biggest, baddest Watcher on the books, and then you go on a high-speed, very high-altitude chase, and then you resuscitate the dead. Are you done? Because seriously, I don't know if I can take any more excitement.
Cynthia HandTag: friendship funny excitement teasing
The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay off my American Express Bill"
- Peter Ustinov, 1921-2004
The rare derpicus man is know to live near the himalayas, in a cave made purely of dead weevils. His native tounge is unknown, but what I've translated contains a grat amount of the words, "pootis, derp, poop, and nnnnyyyyaaaaannnn!
John NicholTag: funny griffin derp pootis weevils
Ava said her hand accidentally slipped and made contact with her guy's nose. I said Repeatedly? And she said, 'Uh, yeah. I'm really clumsy.
Gena ShowalterYour mom is so old, she might die soon
A.S. ChambersTag: funny jokes i-think-i-died-when-i-read-that
When I introduced you to Mary Ann, I wanted to call you my girlfriend, Elli,” he looked up at her to see her eyes were wide, “I’ve never had a girlfriend, so I’m not sure if I’ll do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing right, but the thought of you being with someone else, or me with someone else, actually hurts my gut, so I guess what I’m trying to say is,” he took a deep breath, this was huge, and he thought he sounded stupid but with the way her eyes were glazing over, maybe he was doing this right. “I was wondering if you wanted to be my girlfriend.” She smiled at him lovingly, cupping his face in her hands.
“Are you sure? I’m kinda crazy.” He laughed, kissing her palm.
“I’m sure.”
“Then, yes, Shea, I would love to be your girlfriend.
Tag: funny sweet cute boyfriend
After that came her biggie: a triple murder--her dealer, the dealer's sister, and the dealer's sister's boyfriend.
Reading that made me feel a little funny that we'd fucked and I'd loved her.
Mr. A calls me into his office and says he's got bad news and bad news, and which do I want first. I say the bad news.
George SaundersTag: humor absurd funny bad-news
I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy
eyes—and moreover, I will go with thee to thy uncle’s.
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