Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

Bette Davis

Tag: funny



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A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Yogi Berra

Tag: funny



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Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

Mark Twain

Tag: funny



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Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.

Leroy Satchel Paige

Tag: funny



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I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.

Lauren Myracle

Tag: life home funny



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It was an emergency!" Seth blurted. "Read my lips - emergency reading - not some demented idea of fun. If I was starving, I would eat asparagus. If somebody held a gun to my head, I would watch a soap opera. And to save Fablehaven, I would read a book, okay, are you happy?"
You had best be careful, Seth," Grandma warned. "The love of reading can be contagious."
I just lost my appetite," he declared...

Brandon Mull

Tag: reading funny fablehaven seth brandon mull



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What do you think, Galen?" Lady Fern asked in a sugary voice.
Galen chewed slowly and painfully, swallowing tentatively.
It's very unique," he said, trying to look intrigued instead of disgusted. "It's excellent."
Lady Fern looked satisfied and turned to say something to her husband, while Galen added quietly under his breath, "...not."
--The Fire Stone

Riley Carney

Tag: food funny lady-fern



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Can I come in?
No! I'm in a towel!
I'm blind!

James Patterson

Tag: funny maximum-ride max iggy



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I can't go into a long explanation before company; but I couldn't help it, upon my honour."
Upon your what?" growled Sikes, with excessive disgust. "Here! Cut me off a piece of that pie, one of you boys,to take the taste of that out of my mouth, or it'll choke me dead.

Charles Dickens

Tag: funny dishonor honour



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Today vegetables. Tomorrow...the world!

Deborah Howe

Tag: funny



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