Grief takes many forms, including the absence of grief.
Alison BechdelTag: suicide grief alison-bechdel fun-home
Oh Julie, wouldn’t I know if you were dead? Wouldn’t I feel it happening, like a jolt of electricity to my heart?
Elizabeth WeinTag: friendship death heart worry grief
You can’t hold it in forever,” Colton said, apropos of nothing. “Yes, I can.” I had to. “You’ll go crazy. It’ll come out, one way or another.” “Better crazy than broken.” I wasn't sure where that came from, hadn't thought it or meant to say it. “You’re not broken. You’re hurting.
Jasinda WilderTag: hurt crazy grief broken hurting nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder supression
Hot heart-blood leaked from my face. From my eyes and my nose and my mouth. Not tears, because those would never stop. This was just liquid heartbreak seeping from my pores.
Jasinda WilderTag: strength tears grief heartbreak falling nell falling-into-you jasinda-wilder heart-blood
She closes her eyes, and I can see the moisture. She’s deep-breathing again, and I notice her hands are clutched around the opposing wrists, nails digging in deep, hard, scratching. Pain to replace pain.
Jasinda WilderTag: pain guilt grief heartache falling cutting self-injury nell colton si scratching falling-into-you jasinda-wilder
It wasn't supposed to. It was just supposed to stop you from hurting yourself.” “It helps—” “No it doesn't. It just pushes it away temporarily. Just like the booze.” “But I need—” “You need to let yourself feel. Feel it, own it. Then move on.” “You make it sound so easy.” Bitterness drips from each syllable. “It’s not. It’s the fucking hardest thing a person can do.” I smooth a damp strand out of her face and away from my mouth. “It’s the hardest fucking thing. It’s why we drink and do drugs and fight. It’s why I play music and build engines.
Jasinda WilderTag: words music drinking grief fighting feeling bitterness coping relief feel falling hurting cutting nell colton cope falling-into-you jasinda-wilder
The door slams in response, and I laugh. I'm glad she can laugh. It means she really is coping. I know she’s internalizing a lot, though. Putting on a show for me. She’ll have new scars on her wrists soon.
Jasinda WilderTag: scars grief laugh coping falling cutting front show nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder cuts internalizing
I respect the hell out of her for how hard she’s working to be okay. I just wish she’d let me show her how to let go, how to let herself hurt. I want to take her pain.
Jasinda WilderTag: strength pain hurt respect grief falling nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder
It’s not okay,” I tell her. This gets her attention; it’s not what she was expecting. “You don’t have to be okay.” “What do you want from me?” Her voice is ragged, desperate. “I want you to let yourself be broken. Let yourself hurt.” She shakes her head again. “I can’t. If I let it out, it’ll never stop.” “Yes, it will.
Jasinda WilderTag: fear pain sadness hurt grief desperate falling broken hurting okay nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder suffereing
I don't even know how long she sobs. Time ceases to pass, and she cries, cries, cries. Clutches me and makes these sounds of a soul being ripped in two, the grief so long denied taking its toll. Fermented grief is far more potent.
Jasinda WilderTag: soul grief falling heartbreaking cries nell colton sobs falling-into-you jasinda-wilder
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