Why does everything have to be so hard? [Eragon] wondered.
Because, said Saphira, everyone wants to eat, but no one wants to be eaten.
Tag: humorous inheritance-cycle
Stella explained that when he had arrived, because of his English accent, she had assumed that he was me, and had asked where his fridge was. She didn't tell me what his reply was, and we can only hazard a guess, but I was impressed that he had been prepared to stay the night. It is surely a brave man who goes ahead and checks into an establishment where the first question is 'Where's your fridge?'. Especially if, as he had done, you had arrived by motorcycle.
Tony HawksSmoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection.
Carroll BryantTag: humorous humorous-quotations humorous-philosophy
How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?
Carroll BryantTag: humor funny humorist humorous funny-humor funny-satire
Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.
Carroll BryantTag: humor humorous hilarious comical funny-but-true funny-humor funny-as-hell funny-but-sad
Here she was, being rescued by a socialist, feminist, lesbian, baby-killing, foreign terrorist. What would the ladies in the sewing circle say to that?
Hillary JordanTag: humorous
Where did you get that assault weapon?"
"Assault weapon?" Zach turned his head to look at her. "Well, lookey there. You're cute when you blush."
Maddie's face grew hotter, but at least he'd mistaken the reason for her embarrassment.
Zach turned his face back toward the ceiling. "That there's standard equipment, darlin'."
"There's nothing standard about that."
"I didn't hear you complaining."
"Of course not. You sprang it on me when I was mentally incompetent."
Zach laughed out loud. "That you were, sweet Maddie that you were."
Maddie and Zach
Tag: humorous
He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.
Carroll BryantTag: humor funny humorous funny-but-true humorous-quotes
But unless we determine to take action,' said the old man querulously, as if struggling against something deeply insouciant in his nature, 'then we shall all be destroyed, we shall all die. Surely we care about that?' 'Not enough to want to get killed over it,' said Ford.
Douglas AdamsYou can shit in one hand and wish in another and see which one gets full faster. Or... you can just take my word for it.
C.V. HuntTag: humorous
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