You have a manure pile of memories. Nothing you can do about that. Now, you can drown in the stink, or turn it into compost and grow a garden.
Rebecca O'DonnellMemories were waiting at the edges of things, beckoning to me.
Neil GaimanThroughout our times with Christopher [therapist] we were encouraged to work together at communicating on the inside. He pointed out that it would be good for us all to listen-in when an alter was telling his/her story - that it's now safe, no harm will come to us from telling or from knowing. There was once a time when it was very important that we didn't know what had happened; that knowing meant danger or being so overwhelmed with pain and grief that we wouldn't survive. But now it was different. We're safe and strong, and our goal now are to uncover the grisly truth of what's happened to us, so that it's no longer a powerful secret. We can look at it and face the past for what it is - old memories of old events. Today is now,and we can choose to live a different way and believe different things. We were once powerless and vulnerable, but now we were in a position to make choices. We had control over our life.
Carolyn BramhallTag: secrets memories mental-health therapy dissociation abuse multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder childhood-abuse mpd therapy-for-rape-victims
I was increasingly both horrified and sceptical about these memories - I had no recall of these things at all, though I couldn't imagine why I'd want to make it all up either. It felt as though it had all happened to somebody else, I was not there - it wasn't me - when those people did nasty things.
But then, of course, it didn't feel like me, that's the whole point of dissociation - to create distance between the victim and her experience of the abuse. The alters were created for just that purpose: so that I'd not be aware that it happened to me, but rather to "others". The trouble is, in reality it was my body that took the abuse. It was only my mind that was divided, and sooner or later the amnesic barriers were bound to come down.
And that's exactly what had begun to happen as I heard their stories. They triggered a vague and growing sense in me that this really is my story.
Tag: secrets memories amnesia dissociation ritual-abuse abuse multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder amnesiac childhood-abuse satanic-ritual-abuse mpd
it felt increasingly, as I became more whole, that I had made it all up, and that I was a phoney. I had to come to some place of acceptance. If I made it all up, then I am an unspeakably evil person, leading so many wonderful, intelligent people astray. What a scheming mind I must have. I knowledge will be hard too live with. But harder still is the thought that perhaps, just perhaps it is all true; that I really was horribly, ritualistically abused in a satanic setting, over and over again and as a result my mind fragmented. The implications of that are completely overwhelming. It was me, my body, that they did those things to. No, I would rather believe I am an evil and deceitful person. At least the I can change, and say sorry, and live a better life from now on.
Carolyn BramhallTag: memories crime dissociation satanic ritual-abuse multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder trauma-experiences trauma-therapy satanic-ritual-abuse sra mpd
It is now recognised that dissociation is a way of forgetting, for a time. The mind siphons off the bad memories into a separate part, and reclaiming those hidden-away memories us a complex process. So, when the memories resurface it does not feel as though they belong to you, it feels alien, more as if someone had told them to you, or you had seen the images in a film.
Carolyn BramhallTag: memories crime dissociation satanic multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder trauma-experiences trauma-therapy mpd derealisation
Many deeply hidden memories have come flooding back. The important message here though is that it is possible to heal and survive. Everyone has survived their own kind of emotional or mental trauma. We all have our inner fears and misreplaced feelings of guilt.
Lynette GouldTag: fear guilt rape memories trauma sexual-abuse traumatic-experiences childhood-abuse
Coming to terms with incest is not easy. Learning to be a survivor, not a victim, gives new meaning to life
Lynette GouldTag: guilt rape memories healing survivors trauma sexual-abuse survivor incest traumatic-experiences childhood-abuse
If you see an old man talking to himself, he might not be a fool or crazy. He might be sharing a conversation with the past, warmed by a memory he need not reveal.
Steven Merle ScottMemories, real and irreplaceable, all of them. The happy ones, the bitter ones, the terrified and the poignant.
A.G. HowardTag: memories
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