The choice to believe is yours. It’s the only thing that truly is.
J.S.B. MorseTag: truth choice free-will freedom belief christianity religion faith christian
These aren't still shots; the camera is always moving. And the scene is always just slipping out of sight, as if in spite of myself I were always descending a hill, rounding a corner, stepping into the street with a companion who urges me on, while I look back over my shoulder at the sight which recedes, vanishes. The present of my consciousness is itself a mystery which is also always just rounding a bend like a floating branch borne by a flood. Where am I? But I'm not. "I will overturn, overturn, overturn, it: and it shall be no more. . . .
Annie DillardTag: fear poetry nature god religion wonder poem bible awe old-testament wistfulness fear-of-god good-news pg-95 ezekial-21-27
Religion forces every individual to take responsibility. Specifically, take it away from yourself and give it to God. If we had to be accountable for every one of our actions, we'd be crippled with indecision. But with religion pointing the way, we can feel confident in our choice to picket our children's elementary school when we find out the art teacher is gay.
Stephen ColbertTag: humor hate religion satire ignorance responsibility blame
The Crusaders lead to the Knights Templar; the Knights Templar lead to the Masons; and the Masons lead to the Shriners, a secret society that controls world government, toys with our banking system, and single-handedly keeps the fez industry afloat.
Stephen ColbertAfter Jesus showed up, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up.
Of course, just because Jesus replaces the Old Testament doesn't mean that you should necessarily skip it. That would be like skipping Batman and Robin just because the story starts over in Batman Begins. The important thing to realize is that both the old and new stories are about an all-powerful being trying to rid the world of evildoers, only in the new one The Batman can eat pork.
Tag: humor christianity religion satire bible analogy judaism
All weather is sin-related. Lust causes thunder, anger causes fog, and you don't want to know what causes dew.
Stephen ColbertTag: humor religion satire sin weather
Don't let your girlfriend cut your hair!
Stephen ColbertTag: humor religion satire samson delilah samson-and-delilah
That's not a religion, that's Pokemon.
Stephen ColbertTag: humor religion satire pokemon
But here's the biggest head-scratcher of all: Not only are atheists destroying our country, they're completely deluding themselves. There's simply no way to prove that there is no God. If I didn't hate them so much, I'd feel bad for these folks. Imagine going through life completely duped into thinking that there's no invisible, omniscient higher power guiding every action on Earth. It's just so arbitrary! Can't they see?
Stephen ColbertTag: humor religion atheism satire
Ironically, the only people anyone believes these days are the skeptics.
J.S.B. MorseTag: science belief religion faith atheism believe disbelief
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