A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.
Winston S. ChurchillTag: attributed-no-source drinking classic-insult drunkenness apocryphal retort
Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?'
Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?
There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil, a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome."
"And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody."
"And yours," he replied with a smile, "is wilfully to misunderstand them.
Tag: education hatred wit character dislike retort defects misunderstanding propensity repartee
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.'
That depends, Sir,' said Disraeli, 'whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.
Tag: classic-insult retort turnabout
I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one."
— George Bernard Shaw, playwright (to Winston Churchill)
"Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one."
— Churchill's response
Tag: classic-insult retort
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.
George CarlinTag: humor individuality retort cliché
I don't know how you persist in being so stubborn-"
"It's a superpower. I was bitten by a radioactive mule.
Tag: humor sarcasm retort stubborn superpower
An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea." Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.
Winston S. ChurchillTag: humor humour classic-insult retort
Are you trying to get run over by a cab?"
"Don't be ridiculous. We could never get a cab that easily in this neighborhood.
Tag: retort
I don't like you with Becky. She's not a very nice girl.'
'I don't like you with Jake. He's not me.
Tag: sweet-talk retort
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