Curse us eh/I'll make you pay!/I don't want to rhyme all day!
Rick RiordanTag: last olympian rick riordan
Come on," I said. "I've got some questions for Thoth. And then I'm going to punch him in the beak.
Rick RiordanTag: pyramid red carter sadie kane rick riordan chronicles
Um..." Hazel faltered. "You mean you won't... you're not going to-"
"Claim your life?" Thantos asked. "Well, let's see..."
He pulled a pure-black iPad from thin air. Death, tapped the screen a few times, and all Frank could think was: Please don't let there be an app for reaping souls.
"I don't see you on the list," Thantos said. "Pluto gives me specific orders for escaped souls, you see. For some reason, he has not issued a warrant for yours. Perhaps he feels your life is not finished, or it could be n oversight. If you'd like me to call and ask-"
"No!" Hazel yelped. "That's okay."
"Are you sure?" Death asked helpfully. "I have video-conferencing enabled. I have his Skype address here somewhere...
Tag: death frank percy jackson rick riordan hazel thantos
Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.
Rick RiordanTag: sun humour funny destruction survive snake earthquakes funny-and-random riots riordan tornado sadie-kane tsunamis ra floods carter-kane serpent rebellious giant-snake
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If you’re listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.
I’d like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riots,tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, and of course the giant snake who swallowed the sun—I’m afraid most of that was our fault. Carter and I decided we should at least explain how it happened.
Tag: sun humour funny destruction survive snake earthquakes funny-and-random riots riordan tornado sadie-kane tsunamis ra floods carter-kane serpent rebellious giant-snake
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Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt.
Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt’s collection of amulets. Two of them summoned disgusting camels. I’d
met them before, so I was less than excited when a ton of dromedary flesh flew across my line of sight, plowed into the sphinx, and collapsed on top
of it. The sphinx growled in outrage as it tried to free itself. The camel grunted and farted.
“Hindenburg,” I said. Only one camel could possibly fart that badly. “Walt, why in the world—?”
“Sorry!” he yelled. “Wrong amulet!”
The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn’t much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawed
at the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off; but Hindenburg just splayed his legs, made alarmed honking sounds, and let loose gas.
I moved to Walt’s side and tried to get my bearings.
Tag: sun humour funny destruction survive snake earthquakes funny-and-random riots riordan tornado sadie-kane tsunamis ra floods carter-kane serpent rebellious giant-snake
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To my wonderful readers:
Sorry about that last cliff-hanger.
Well, no, not really. HAHAHAHA.
But seriously, I love you guys.
Tag: rick-riordan riordan the-mark-of-athena the-heroes-of-olympus cliff-hanger the-house-of-hades
The giant raised his fist, and a voice cut through the dream.
"Leo!" Jason was shaking his shoulder. "Hey, man, why are you hugging Nike?"
Leo's eyes fluttered open. His arms were wrapped around the human-sized statue in Athena's hand. He must have been thrashing in his sleep. He clung to the victory goddess like he used to cling to his pillow when he had nightmares as a kid. (Man, that had been so embarrassing in the foster homes.)
He disentangled himself and sat up, rubbing his face.
"Nothing," he muttered. "we were just cuddling. Um, what's going on?
Tag: dreams rick-riordan demigod riordan leo-valdez jason-grace nike the-heroes-of-olympus the-house-of-hades
No!" Leo yelled.
"Uhhh," Nico groaned from the floor.
"Piper!" Jason cried.
"Monkey!" Frank yelled.
"Not monkeys," Hazel grumbled. "I think those are dwarfs."
"Stealing my stuff!" Leo yelled, and ran for the stairs.
Tag: monkeys dwarfs rick-riordan riordan leo-valdez jason-grace frank-zhang hazel-levesque the-house-of-hades piper-mcclean the-argo-ii
It's mechanical," Leo said. "Maybe a doorway to the dwarfs' secret lair?"
"Ooooo!" shrieked a nearby voice. "Secret lair?"
"I want a secret lair!" yelled another voice from above.
...
"If we had a secret lair," said Red Fur, "I would want a firehouse pole."
"And a waterslide!" said Brown Fur, who was pulling random tools out of Leo's belt, tossing aside wrenches, hammers, and staple guns.
"Stop that!" Leo tried to grab the dwarf's feet, but he couldn't reach the top of the pedestal.
"Too short?" Brown Fur sympathized.
"You're calling me short?" Leo looked around for something to throw, but there was nothing but pigeons, and he doubted he could catch one. "Give me my belt, you stupid-"
"Now, now!" said Brown Fur. "We haven't even introduced ourselves. I'm Akmon, and my brother over there-"
"-is the handsome one!" The red-furred dwarf lifted his espresso. Judging from his dilated eyes and maniacal grin, he didn't need any more caffeine. "Passolos! Singer of songs! Drinker of coffee! Stealer of shiny stuff!
Tag: coffee espresso dwarfs rick-riordan riordan leo-valdez the-heroes-of-olympus the-house-of-hades akmon balogna passolos secret-lair shiny-stuff
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