What are we talking about?” Alex says. “This is fucking nonsense.”
The couple ahead of us turns slightly.
“What are you looking at?” Alex says to them.
I don’t bother to reprimand her, because really, what are they looking at? I slow my pace and Alex punches Scottie in the arm.
“Ow!” Scottie screams.
“Alex! Why are we still on this pattern?”
“Hit her back, Dad,” Scottie yells.
Alex grabs Scottie’s neck.
“You’re hurting me,” Scottie says.
“That’s kind of the point,” Alex says.
I grab both children by the arm and pull them down to the sand. Sid covers his mouth with his hand and bends over, laughing silently.
“‘What do you love about Mom?’” Alex says, mimicking her sister. “Shut up, already. And stop babying her.”
I sit down between them and don’t say a word. Sid sits next to Alex. “Easy, tiger,” he says. I look at the waves crashing down on the sand. A few women walk by and give me this knowing look, as though a father with his kids is such a precious sight. It takes so little to be revered as a father. I can tell the girls are waiting for me to say something, but what can I say that hasn’t been said? I’ve shouted, I’ve reasoned, I’ve even spanked. Nothing works.
“What do you love about Mom, Scottie?” I ask, glaring at Alex.
She takes a moment to think. “Lots of stuff. She’s not old and ugly, like most moms.”
“What about you, Alex?”
“Why are we doing this?” she asks. “How did we get here in the first place?”
“Swimming with the sharks,” I say. “Scottie wanted to swim with sharks.”
“You can do that,” Sid says. “I read about it in the hotel.”
“She’s not afraid of anything,” Alex says.
She’s wrong, and besides, I think this is a statement and not something that Alex truly loves.
“Let’s get back,” I say.
I stand up and wipe the sand off of me. I look at our hotel on the cliff, pink from the sunset. The girls’ expressions when I told them about their mom made me feel so alone. They won’t ever understand me the way Joanie does. They won’t know her the way I do. I miss her despite the fact that she envisioned the rest of her life without me. I look at my daughters, utter mysteries, and for a brief moment I have a sick feeling that I don’t want to be alone in the world with these two girls. I’m relieved they haven’t asked me what it is I love about them.
Tag: love matt-king scottie-king sid alex-king
There’s something different about her. I realize it’s her breasts—they’re huge. I see that she’s stuffed her bikini top with wet balls of sand.
“What is that?” I say. “Scottie. Your suit.”
She shields her eyes with her hand and looks down at her chest. “Beach boobs,” she says.
“Take that out of there,” I say. “Alex. Why’d you let her do that?”
Alex is on her stomach, with the straps of her top untied. She lifts her head toward Scottie. “I didn’t know. Take them out, stupid.”
Sid lifts his head. “Honestly,” he says, “big boobs look kind of fatty.”
“As Bebe says, boobs suck,” Alex says, “and Sid’s full of shit. He loves big boobs.”
“Who’s Bebe?” Scottie lets the sand fall out of her top.
“Character from South Park,” Sid says. “And I love small boobs, too, Alex. I’m an equal-opportunity employer.
Tag: kids matt-king scottie-king sid alex-king
Reina sounds awesome,” Sid says. “I’m digging her more and more.”
“Were you there?” I ask. “Have you seen one of these movies?”
“No,” Scottie says.
“Scottie,” Alex says, kicking Sid in the ribs. “Reina is a fuckedup ho bag, and you need to stay away from her. I’ve already told you that. Do you want to end up like me?”
“Yes,” Scottie says.
“I mean the earlier me, when I was yelling at Mom.”
“No,” Scottie says.
“Well, Reina is going to be a crackhead, and she’s going to get used. She’s a twat. Say it.”
“Twat,” Scottie says. She gets up and runs across the room, saying, “Twat twat twat twat twat.”
“Holy shit,” Sid says. “This is some messed-up parenting. Isn’t it?”
Alex shrugs. “Maybe. I guess we’ll see.”
“I don’t get it,” I say. “I don’t know what to do. These things she does, they keep happening.”
“It will go away,” Alex says.
“Will it? I mean, look at how you kids talk. In front of me, especially. It’s like you don’t respect authority.”
The kids stare at the television. I tell them to get out. I’m going to bed.
Tag: lessons matt-king scottie-king sid alex-king reina twat
Do you guys have sunscreen?” I ask.
“No,” Scottie says. “Do we have water?”
“Did you bring any?” Alex asks.
“No,” I say.
Alex pops her head up. “Did you bring snacks for us?”
“We can walk to town.”
How do mothers manage to bring everything a child could need?
Tag: parenting matt-king scottie-king alex-king
My God,” she says. “I feel like I’ve gone through a car wash.”
I laugh, or force myself to, because it’s not something I’d normally laugh at.
“What about you?” she says to Scottie. “How did you make out?”
“I’m a boy,” Scottie says. “Look at me.”
Sand has gotten into the bottom of her suit, creating a huge bulge. She scratches at the bulge. “I’m going to go to work now,” she says. I think she’s impersonating me and that Mrs. Speer is getting an unrealistic, humiliating glimpse.
“Scottie,” I say. “Take that out.”
“It must be fun to have girls,” Mrs. Speer says.
She looks at the ocean, and I see that she’s looking at Alex sunbathing on the floating raft. Sid leans over Alex and puts his mouth to hers. She raises a hand to his head, and for a moment I forget it’s my daughter out there and think of how long it has been since I’ve been kissed or kissed like that.
“Or maybe you have your hands full,” Mrs. Speer says.
“No, no,” I say. “It’s great,” and it is, I suppose, though I feel like I’ve just acquired them and don’t know yet. “They’ve been together for ages.” I gesture to Alex and Sid. I don’t understand if they’re a couple or if this is how all kids in high school act these days.
Mrs. Speer looks at me curiously, as if she’s about to say something, but she doesn’t.
“And boys.” I gesture to her little dorks. “They must keep you busy.”
“They’re a handful. But they’re at such a fun age. It’s such a joy.”
She gazes out at her boys. Her expression does little to convince me that they’re such a joy. I wonder how many times parents have these dull conversations with one another and how much they must hide. They’re so goddamn hyper, I’d do anything to inject them with a horse tranquilizer. They keep insisting that I watch what they can do, but I truly don’t give a fuck. How hard is it to jump off a diving board?
My girls are messed up, I want to say. One talks dirty to her own reflection. Did you do that when you were growing up?
“Your girls seem great, too,” she says. “How old are they?”
“Ten and eighteen. And yours?”
“Ten and twelve.”
“Oh,” I say. “Great.”
“Your younger one sure is funny,” she says. “I mean, not funny. I meant entertaining.”
“Oh, yeah. That’s Scottie. She’s a riot.
Tag: boys girls parenting julie matt-king scottie-king
Your phone’s vibrating,” Scottie says. She takes my cell phone out of her pocket, the phone she has stolen from me to text her friend. She doesn’t even care that she has disobeyed. She doesn’t care that she said “finger-fucked” in front of me. It’s as though I’m not a father.
I don’t recognize the number, so I don’t answer. I like to let people leave messages, and then I’ll call back after I rehearse what to say.
“You never answer your phone,” Scottie says. “What if someone needs help?”
“Then they can leave a message and I’ll call right back.”
Alex takes the phone out of my hands. “Hello?” she says.
“What the—? Do I not exist, girls? Do you realize I’m in charge here?”
Scottie whispers, “Who is it?”
“Oh, no,” Alex says. “This is the right number. This is his assistant…Sharon.”
Scottie opens her mouth, delighted. I’ve always been impressed by Alex’s effortless ability to lie.
“That sounds nice,” Alex says, then punches me lightly on the arm. “Where? Great. And for how long? Okay. Well, thanks. Maybe we’ll peek in on Sunday. Thanks so much. Okay.”
She closes the phone.
“Well?”
“That was a Realtor, Dad, from Brian’s office. She says she’d be happy to show you the house you called about. Well done, Dad. Very clever.”
“Good one, King,” Sid says.
“What about Brian?” I ask. I feel strange talking about this with Joanie in the room. I position myself so that I face away from her.
Tag: matt-king scottie-king sid alex-king
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