Once you create a self-justifying storyline, your emotional entrapment within it quadruples.
Pema ChödrönTag: self-image self-righteousness self-justification
The only step that makes the valuable to become valueless is the negative side of your eyes that you use to see it.
Israelmore AyivorTag: rich self-esteem self-help self-appreciation self-image negative treasure value food-for-thought priceless cost price you-can-do-it worthy love-yourself valuable costless self-value israelmore-ayivor priceworthy treasurer valueless
It all comes back. Perhaps it is difficult to see the value in having one's self back in that kind of mood, but I do see it; I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind's door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were. I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be; one of them, a seventeen-year-old, presents little threat, although it would be of some interest to me to know again what it feels like to sit on a river levee drinking vodka-and-orange-juice and listening to Les Paul and Mary Ford and their echoes sing "How High the Moon" on the car radio. (You see I still have the scenes, but I no longer perceive myself among those present, no longer could ever improvise the dialogue.) The other one, a twenty-three-year-old, bothers me more. She was always a good deal of trouble, and I suspect she will reappear when I least want to see her, skirts too long, shy to the point of aggravation, always the injured party, full of recriminations and little hurts and stories I do not want to hear again, at once saddening me and angering me with her vulnerability and ignorance, an apparition all the more insistent for being so long banished.
It is a good idea, then, to keep in touch, and I suppose that keeping in touch is what notebooks are all about. And we are all on our own when it comes to keeping those lines open to ourselves: your notebook will never help me, nor mine you.
Tag: past self-image self-reflection
Everybody is equally weak on the inside, just that some present their ruins as new castles and become kings –
Simona PanovaTag: fear strength present power strong romance fiction weak weakness mystery force self-image play suspense castle gothic ruin queen young-adult powerful pretend nobody mysterious image destroy mask king everyone ghost general ruins inside outside destroyed everybody abandon gothic-romance stronghold fortress freya no-one devastated cardew fort
I always am in a role, lovely – for you, for them – even for myself. Yeah... Even when I’m alone, I am still in a role – and I myself am the most exacting audience I have ever had.
Simona PanovaTag: strength romantic strong dramatic romance weak weakness theater emotion alone control drama self-image play feelings acting suspense theatre lonely gothic always young-adult audience pretend postmodern masks mask postmodernism hide feel fake emotional hiding forbidden demand actor actress pretending gothic-romance goth demanding forbid emotionless young-adult-gothic-romance exact exacting feelless stern
Even I don’t know myself... In fact, I don’t know if I really have a self at all, as I’m constantly playing different roles and pretending – not so much on stage as in real life...
Simona PanovaTag: life love reality knowledge romantic identity romance real-life relationships different live self playing living crisis fact understanding self-awareness self-image play acting suspense awareness hidden gothic young-adult postmodern relationship understand masks mask postmodernism hide aware actor know roles gothic-romance goth know-yourself role even young-adult-gothic-romance know-myself self-identity-crisis
I think this is one bad side of a mirror; it helps us to see the reflection of the effects of our own actions on ourselves. We smile and it smiles back to us, we frown and it frowns to us. How I wish it shows us the reflections of the effects of our actions on other people as well so that we will be conscious!
Israelmore AyivorTag: reflect friends people selfish self smile smiling reflection happy sad bad actions self-image food-for-thought glass cry image myself me habit other-people disadvantage joyful mirror behaviour cause-and-effect angry who-you-are i frown human-behaviour see-yourself israelmore-ayivor do-good-do-it-to-yourself look-to-yourself plane-mirror self-gain your-image your-self-image
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