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Chancellor Gerhard Schröder has several times made statements to the effect that we Europeans should not cultivate a superficial anti-Americanism.

But mine isn't superficial at all.

Personally I have nothing against the US itself - it's a beautiful country - it's the people who live there that are the problem.

I guess you could say it's the same thing with Bavaria.

Volker Pispers

Tag: humor politics humour comedy germany stand-up anti-american cabaret

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The public has a short memory. That's why all these big stars do these crazy, terrible things and two years later they're back in the biz, you know. 'Cause the public has a short memory. Let me give you a little test, okay? This is my thesis -- the public has a short memory and, like-- How many people remember, a couple of years ago, when the Earth blew up? How many people? See? So few people remember. And you would think that something like that, people would remember. But NOOO! You don't remember that? The Earth blew up and was completely destroyed? And we escaped to this planet on the giant Space Ark? Where have you people been? And the government decided not to tell the stupider people 'cause they thought that it might affect-- [dawning realization, looks around] Ohhhh! Okay! Uh, let's move on!

Steve Martin

Tag: stand-up

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Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man.

Louis C.K.

Tag: life honesty family funny attitude comedy quote joke honest jokes comedian stand-up lucky-louie fuck-it louie

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Eight people show up. The emcee is warm, friendly, and about as funny as Shoah. I take the stage to the sound of, my hand to God, one person clapping once and only once, and then I start into my act.

Patton Oswalt

Tag: shoah clapping stand-up hand-to-god patton-oswalt

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I'm sitting at the bar, rearranging the order of my jokes. I'm under the delusion that I'm having bad shows because of some cosmic misalignment of words, phrases, and ideas. I may as well have cast runes into a spirit bowl, hoping that the collective heart of the audience would open to my necromantic call. Maybe that's how jugglers do it. Those guys never have shitty sets.

Patton Oswalt

Tag: jokes stand-up patton-oswalt casting-runes jugglers necromantic-comedy present-tense spirit-bowl

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Never limit yourself to what you can't do, but to what you have the power to do with what you have.

Nadège Richards

Tag: life love empowerment power limitations stand-out stand-up stength

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Stand up and be counted, or sit your ass in the corner and color.

Lori Goodwin