I know that. I just don’t feel it sometimes. Over there I felt like I
hadn’t a care in the world. Things felt so good and it was almost as
if every muscle in my body relaxed the moment I landed there. I
haven’t laughed so much in years. I felt like a 23-year-old, Steph. I
haven’t felt like that much lately. I know this probably sounds weird
but I felt like the me that I could have been.
I liked that I didn’t have to look out for somebody else while I
walked down the street. I didn’t have the fifty near heart attacks per
day that I usually get when Katie goes missing or puts something in
her mouth that she shouldn’t. I didn’t have to dive onto the road
and hold her back just in time from being hit by a car. I liked that I
didn’t have to give out, correct people on their pronunciation or
make threats. I liked laughing at a joke without my sleeve being
tugged at and being asked to explain. I liked having adult conversations
without being interrupted to cheer and applaud a silly dance
or the learning of a new word. I liked that I was just me, Rosie, not
mummy, thinking just about me, talking about things I liked, going
places I liked to go without having to worry about nappy changes,
bottle feeding or sleepy-head tantrums. Isn’t that awful?
Rosie: What the hell was that silence?
Steph: It sounds like something I’d like. It sounded nice.
Rosie: It was.
Rosie: Sorry about that, Randy Andy here wouldn’t let me leave the office.
Ruby: Oh he is such a slave driver! You should complain to head office, get
the asshole fired.
Rosie: He is head office.
Ruby: Oh yeah.
Rosie: Well in all fairness Ruby, he may be a prick but we did just take a
break an hour ago . . . and it was our third one in less than three
hours . . .
Ruby: You are turning into one of THEM!
Rosie: I have a child to feed.
Ruby: As do I.
Rosie: That child feeds himself, Ruby.
Ruby: Ah leave my little fatso alone. He’s my baby and I love him regardless.
Rosie: He’s 17.
Alex: Rosie, I wanted you to be the first person to no that I’ve decided to
become a heart surgeon!
Rosie: Cool, does it pay well?
Alex: Rosie, it’s not about the money.
Rosie: Where I come from, it’s all about the money. Probably because I
don’t have any.
Somewhere along the way, without me even noticing, I grew up Alex. For
once, I couldn’t take advice from anyone around me about what I should or
shouldn’t do. I couldn’t go running to mum and dad and I can’t compare my
marriage to anybody else’s, we all follow our own rules.
You all looked so happy together in the photograph. You looked like the
perfect family. Is there such a thing anymore because if there is, my happy
little unit was definitely not in the queue when they were handing out the
titles.
I had a million plans. I knew what I was going to do. I had the next few years of my life all figured out.
But what I didn’t know was that within a few hours all those plans would change. Ms. Know-it-all didn’t quite know it all so much then.
My “Best Woman” speech
Good evening everyone, my name is Rosie and as you can see Alex has
decided to go down the non-traditional route of asking me to be his best
woman for the day. Except we all know that today that title does not belong
to me. It belongs to Sally, for she is clearly his best woman.
I could call myself the “best friend” but I think we all know that today
that title no longer refers to me either. That title too belongs to Sally.
But what doesn’t belong to Sally is a lifetime of memories of Alex the
child, Alex the teenager, and Alex the almost-a-man that I’m sure he would
rather forget but that I will now fill you all in on. (Hopefully they all will
laugh.)
I have known Alex since he was five years old. I arrived on my first day
of school teary-eyed and red-nosed and a half an hour late. (I am almost sure
Alex will shout out “What’s new?”) I was ordered to sit down at the back of
the class beside a smelly, snotty-nosed, messy-haired little boy who had the
biggest sulk on his face and who refused to look at me or talk to me. I hated
this little boy.
I know that he hated me too, him kicking me in the shins under the table
and telling the teacher that I was copying his schoolwork was a telltale sign.
We sat beside each other every day for twelve years moaning about school,
moaning about girlfriends and boyfriends, wishing we were older and wiser and out of school, dreaming for a life where we wouldn’t have double maths
on a Monday morning.
Now Alex has that life and I’m so proud of him. I’m so happy that he’s
found his best woman and his best friend in perfect little brainy and annoying
Sally.
I ask you all to raise your glasses and toast my best friend Alex and his
new best friend, best woman, and wife, Sally, and to wish them luck and
happiness and divorce in the future.
To Alex and Sally!
Things change so quickly. Just when you get used to something, zap! It
changes. Just when you begin to understand someone, zap! They grow up. The
same is happening with Katie. She changes every day; her face just becomes so
much more grown-up every time I look at her. Sometimes I have to stop pretending
I’m interested in what she’s saying in order to realize that I actually am
interested. We go shopping for clothes together and I take her advice, we eat
out for lunch and giggle over silly things. I just can’t cast my mind back to the
time when my child stopped being a child and became a person.
Twice we stood beside each other at the altar, Rosie. Twice. And twice
we got it wrong. I needed you to be there for my wedding day but I was too
stupid to see that I needed you to be the reason for my wedding day. But we
got it all wrong.
I should never have let your lips leave mine all those years ago in Boston.
I should never have pulled away. I should never have panicked. I should never
have wasted all those years without you. Give me a chance to make them up
to you. I love you, Rosie, and I want to be with you and Katie and Josh.
Always.
Please think about it. Don’t waste your time on Greg, this is our opportunity.
Let’s stop being afraid and take the chance. I promise I’ll make you
happy.
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