I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.
Jarod KintzLife, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other.
Jarod KintzMy advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster.
Jarod KintzI will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines.
Jarod KintzTo me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle.
Jarod KintzI want to get the words "Courage" and "Bravery" tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me.
Jarod KintzSometimes I sit for hours just thinking, wondering what the man upstairs is trying to tell me. Yesterday I reached the conclusion that he was saying, “Get me a slinky.
Jarod KintzI don’t think that taking off my eye patch would increase my night vision by 100%, but it would go a long way towards relieving my wedgie.
Jarod KintzA windmill has arms, but does not hug. Where’s the love?
Jarod KintzSometimes I wish Jim Morrison were still alive, because I'd love to see a concert in which "The Doors" opened up for "The Cars.
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