As we were walking home the other night, Orafoura turned to me and said, “Were you aware that there are places in the universe where time doesn’t exist?”
“I know,” I replied. “That’s where I went to buy my last watch.
The easiest way to get from point A to point B is with a vehicle that runs on alphabet soup.
Jarod KintzEven a fool recognizes that there is great sadness in a bucket of tears. But only a wise man thinks to conserve water and use that bucket to wash his car.
Jarod KintzA one dollar bill, though it weighs less than 99 pennies, is psychologically heavier.
Jarod KintzIf my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name.
Jarod KintzNothing in this world feels quite like freedom, except for freedom. And nothing in the world tastes quite like freedom, except for fried bald eagles.
Jarod KintzI think the two greatest inventions in the history of mankind are the remote control and the fingernail clipper. Now, if someone could just combine those two, I’d be very eager to clip my nails from across the room.
Jarod KintzIf I ever go to China, I’m going to find a piano and play “Chopsticks”--only not with my fingers, but rather I’ll be using two forks.
Jarod KintzMy birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.
Jarod KintzI don’t think anybody’s ever written a song called, “There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.” I would write it myself, but I’ve never been very good at writing love ballads.
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