Sometimes I get depressed about my age. In March I’ll be 26. If man weren’t measured in numbers, but rather letters, I’d be turning Z. And then I’d be dead.
Jarod KintzI often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of mystery.
Jarod KintzDrink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient.
Jarod KintzI’m so silent I can hardly hear myself think. But that’s why I bought the scissors and the condom.
Jarod KintzMet a guy named Bill once. We met in Williamsburg and discussed the Bill of Rights and duck’s beaks.
Jarod KintzIf I asked God to see into the future 50 years, and I couldn’t see myself, I wouldn’t assume I was dead. No, I’d assume I was simply hiding.
Jarod KintzIn these modern times, the only sensible thing to be is nonsensical.
Jarod KintzObese people have really begun to eat up a lot of my free time. That’s the skinny on my life.
Jarod KintzI made love with a cute woman yesterday. I would have made love with a gorgeous woman, but she was more expensive.
Jarod KintzToday I found yet more evidence that I’m a lunatic. The proof came in a package in the mail. The sender? Myself. The evidence? Tampered with.
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