What’s the point of being the first to arrive? Nobody is there to witness your commitment.
Jarod KintzI know she is going on vacation, so I knitted her a sweater. It matches the bathing suit I knitted her, and it’s as revealing as my feelings for her.
Jarod KintzEating a plain bagel with no cream cheese is like eating the inner tube of a bicycle tire, and I’d rather ride my roller skates to work.
Jarod KintzI went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me.
Jarod KintzMy couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that.
Jarod KintzI have the Denver Omelet of accents. And considering I’m from Denver, it makes sense. Now if I also lived in Cheeseland (Wisconsin) it would make perfect, yummy sense.
Jarod KintzI think the best time to stare off into space is when you’re going 65 on a motorcycle, provided you’re wearing your astronaut’s helmet.
Jarod KintzHe’s not my son, but his last name is Myson. Same spelling, big difference.
Jarod KintzI ate a pound cake today, but I gained two.
Jarod KintzI once saw the world’s ugliest baby drown. But then I realized, “That’s not a baby, that’s a log. And it’s not drowning, it’s burning.” I wonder what it did to deserve that? It was probably a heretic.
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