A brick could be employed to stop global warming, by using it to clog up the world’s smallest volcano. I would use my penis to plug up the hole, but it already burns while I pee enough as it is.


Jarod Kintz


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A blanket could be used to store valuable information that will keep future generations warm overnight. And just so you know, it wasn’t me that farted in the blanket. That’s a bit too much information, don’t you think?


Jarod Kintz


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With one blanket, you and I could wrap up like a burrito. Yum. And if you want melted cheese, just fart a bit. 


Jarod Kintz


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A blanket could be used as a soggy umbrella, if you’re too cheap to buy my 360-degrees spinning windshield wiper on a stick. Think of it like a one-bladed helicopter, and picture yourself as dry as the desert.


Jarod Kintz


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A blanket could be used to cause global warming. If you don’t want to future generations to die, I’d recommend shivering in your bare bed.


Jarod Kintz


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A blanket could be used to keep you warm on a cold night. Just pour some gasoline on it and light it on fire. 


Jarod Kintz


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A blanket could be used to conceal. That’s why I recommend the current cast of political bedfellows running this country use one to make good on their “transparent” administration. 


Jarod Kintz


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If a blanket could be used to keep one person warm, then it stands to reason that all the blankets in the world are to blame for global warming, and I think our political leaders, with all their wisdom, should confiscate all blankets and burn them. The cure for Global Warming is to start a massive bonfire, and while the earth will surely get warmer in the short term, in the end we’ll all be like Keynes’ corpse anyway, so what’s it really matter?


Jarod Kintz


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A brick could be used to help the needy. Giving a brick as a gift is a symbol showing you want to help build their future.


Jarod Kintz


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A blanket could be used as a TV screen. How? No—why? Even better—why not? Why not wrap yourself up in your favorite TV shows and let the screen warm your body and soul?


Jarod Kintz


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