When I was a kid we had a sandbox. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually.
Steven WrightMy theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven WrightStichwörter: humor-evolution
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Steven WrightStichwörter: humor breakfast nonsense
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I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
Steven WrightStichwörter: humor
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven WrightStichwörter: humor reading books
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven WrightStichwörter: humor
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Steven WrightStichwörter: death scared twice
Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?
Steven WrightStichwörter: humor-watch
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven WrightSo I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...
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