Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W.C. FieldsStichwörter: humor curmudgeon
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W.C. FieldsNo doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
W.C. FieldsRemember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W.C. FieldsYou can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W.C. FieldsStichwörter: humor water deciet
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
W.C. FieldsHere lies W.C.Fields. I'd rather be living in Philadelphia.
W.C. FieldsStichwörter: epitaph humorous-epitaphs
Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!
W.C. FieldsYou can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W.C. FieldsDon't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?
W.C. FieldsStichwörter: funny
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