What's more, he was going to have a full American breakfast with bacon and eggs, none of this continental bullshit.

Gish Jen

Stichwörter: humorous-quotes



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When you fall asleep after a big lunch you're really just saving up energy to work off all the calories later on.

Elizabeth Jane Howard

Stichwörter: dieting exercises humorous-quotes



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Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.

Henry David Thoreau

Stichwörter: evidence humorous-quotes



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If you constantly make it clear that you are unwilling to budge, don't get upset when no one is around who's willing to give you a push.

Mark W. Boyer

Stichwörter: inspirational-quotes humorous-quotes business-management-training



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And watch your tongue. I happen to be partial to humans - most, anyway. Clowns, not so much. Those evil bastards never stop smiling."

Niccolo didn't know what these "clowns" were, but he made a mental not to stay away if he ever encountered one. Sounded unpleasant.

Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Stichwörter: humorous-quotes



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You pay for that,” he told Ian as he hopped off the hood. “You pay for that, now.”

Ian and Peter ignored him, circling around the car. The passenger jumped out and ran off at a sprint, as if the very hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. The taxi driver watched him go and stamped his foot in rage. “You pay for him, too,” he yelled at the men, seething in anger.

Rose Wynters

Stichwörter: humor humorous-quotes



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It was [Hugh's] omnipresent fear that some woman might be foisted on him who would turn out to be an adventuress and would blackmail him. This preoccupation made it almost impossible for him to engage a secretary.

Anthony Powell

Stichwörter: humorous-quotes



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Pretty?' I said, swivelling in the driver's seat to face him, 'you want to ask me out because I'm pretty?' 'Is there a problem with asking you out because you're pretty?' 'I think you blew it,' said Tiger with a grin. 'You should be asking her out because she's smart, witty, mature beyond her years and every moment in her company makes you want to be a better person - pretty of face should be at the bottom of the list.' 'Oh, blast,' said Perkins despondently. 'It should, shouldn't it?

Jasper Fforde

Stichwörter: humorous-quotes



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So I’m reading some poem by Louise . . . something, I forget her last name, but it’s about Hades and the underworld, and I don’t even notice that Paige has come up to my table until she says, ‘Doesn’t everyone want love?’ And I’m thinking, wow, that’s a pretty deep question, but then again Paige is really smart, and this is my chance to finally show her that I’m not just a dumb jock. So I say, ‘I heard this theory once that love means your subconscious is attracted to someone else’s subconscious.’”

“Very deep,” Cade said.

“Exactly. And I’m feeling proud of myself for that one, until she points to the book and says, ‘Oh, that wasn’t a question. I was just quoting a line from the poem.

Julie James

Stichwörter: humorous-quotes



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Hopefully not another employee stealing credit cards, Brooke mused. Or any sort of headache-inducing “oops moment,” like the time one of the restaurant managers called to ask if he could fire a line cook after discovering that the man was a convicted murderer.

“Jeez. How’d you learn that?” Brooke had asked.

“He made a joke to one of the waiters about honing his cooking skills in prison. The waiter asked what he’d been serving time for, and he said, ‘Murder.’”

“I bet that put an end to the conversation real fast. And yes, you can fire him,” Brooke had said.

“Obviously, he lied on his employment application.” All of Sterling’s employees, regardless of job position, were required to answer whether they’d ever been convicted of a crime involving “violence, deceit, or theft.” Pretty safe to say that murder qualified.

Ten minutes later, the manager had called her back.
“Um . . . what if he didn’t exactly lie? I just double-checked his application, and as it turns out, he did check the box for having been convicted of a crime.”

Brooke had paused at that. “And then the next question, where we ask what crime he’d been convicted for, what did he write?”

“Uh . . . ‘second-degree murder.’”

“I see. Just a crazy suggestion here, Cory, but you might want to start reading these applications a little more closely before making employment offers.”

“Please don’t fire me.

Julie James

Stichwörter: humorous-quotes



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