The amount of educational programming on television today is simply desensitizing. The only reason left to go to school is to see gun violence.
BauvardTags: humor education funny television desensitized gun-violence
Have a baby shower, then an abortion. Now you just have to lose a little weight to squeeze into all your skimpy new outfits.
BauvardTags: humor funny abortion baby-shower
Moderation: a median with no means, praised by those with no misfortunes, practiced by those with no merits.
BauvardTags: humor funny moderation
Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.
BauvardTags: humor gender men women prostitution funny royalty
A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.
BauvardTags: humor love funny idealism men-and-women
I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.
BauvardTags: humor disillusionment growing-up cynicism childhood funny idealism
Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time.
BauvardTags: humor funny scars healing injuries wrinkles
Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.
BauvardTags: humor happiness love sleep funny smiling
I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career.
BauvardTags: humor life sleep dreams dreaming relationships funny sleeping
I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people’s nightmares.
BauvardTags: humor life sleep dreams dreaming relationships funny sleeping
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