One never owns a book. It sits on your shelf in a fine edition like a piece of furniture, and you are its admiring ward until it flies off from you in a time of financial hardship. If it is a tattered paperback, she is your casual mistress you use a few times. If you have read it a hundred times then it is your wife, and a source of infinite mystery.

Bauvard


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When you don't hold your pipe with the proper poise, smoking is very hazardous for your image.

Bauvard


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Privatization will always be a timid ideology as long as architects are allowed to unveil their buildings.

Bauvard


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I don't believe in failure. I'm perseverant - I believe in failing.

Bauvard

Tags: humor persistence funny perseverance failure



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Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

Bauvard

Tags: humor death funny execution



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A ransom note, the true test of unconditional love.

Bauvard


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I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.

Bauvard

Tags: humor funny quitting reliability



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Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

Bauvard

Tags: humor language funny



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The smaller the dinner table, the better the side conversation: you can gossip about the guests without fearing whether you will be overheard. It just isn't good table manners to exclude someone from their own ridicule. That's why the juiciest side conversations occur at a table for one.

Bauvard


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Aping the lower class will only lead to fatherless children, unusable muscles, and the fear of tomorrow’s sobriety.

Bauvard


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