I happen to find ceilings much lovelier than the night sky myself. Sometimes I just stare at them for hours and wonder what could be up there.

Bauvard


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I compensate for my debauchery by being brilliant at it. I make sacrifices for it by waking up in a gutter covered in the fruits of my genius.

Bauvard


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Don't believe anything I say. My point of view is merely objective.

Bauvard


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Inconsistent parenting creates confusion. When I'm pitting mom against dad, they never know what to expect.

Bauvard


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I don’t believe in a lot of phenomena that fall under the term ‘parapsychology.’ Especially that one branch, psychology. You’re going to tell me there’s something inside my head, controlling me?

Bauvard


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What is the world coming to when girls allow their hands to be kissed without gloves? That young people don't use proper protection these days is exactly why there are always so many colds going around.

Bauvard


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Treat each other like human beings? But the other great apes have no class hierarchy.

Bauvard

Tags: humor humanity funny class



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The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

Bauvard

Tags: humor random funny ideas



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I ran into an old friend on the street and we started up a conversation. Four hours and six bottles of wine later, we decided the weather was just too unpredictable, and we parted ways.

Bauvard


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Never proscribe a child’s vitality – prescribe it.

Bauvard


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