Okay, let's see if I got this straight. The butt is the new breast, and the lower back is the new ankle. Now if only we could figure out where the brain has moved.
Celia RivenbarkTags: fashion awesome trends back ankles breast butt silly-trends strange-fashion strange-trends
I had to start watching [The Real Housewives of New Jersey] every week because, well, my IQ was just too high. I mean seriously up there. What can I tell you? After watching every episode, I am now officially as dumb as that brown, particle-like stuff you find outside and don't want to track inside the house. Rhymes with "wirt", I think.
Celia RivenbarkTags: television reality-tv real-housewives-of-new-jersey
Ever since they invented Hello Kitty, the world hasn't been the same. You can safely chart the rise of The Culture of Cute since that flat-faced skank started showing up everywhere.
Celia RivenbarkTags: hello-kitty
Scientists say that...gender bending may keep fish from reproducing because, with so many in sexual limbo, there's just no real push to procreate.
Oh, if only deer, squirrels, and Kardashians would acquire this particular affliction. I'm just kidding. I don't really have anything against deer. Or squirrels.
Tags: kardashian
I feel guilty looking at those "People of Walmart" photos you see on the Internet. It's not cool to make fun of pitiful people. You really think anyone who wasn't batshit crazy would walk out of the house in a camouflage mankini and a Confederate flag ball cap to go buy some new furnace filters? No, he's cray-cray.
Celia RivenbarkI'm what is known as perimenopausal. "Peri", some of you may know, is a Latin prefix meaning 'SHUT YOUR FLIPPIN' PIE HOLE".
Celia RivenbarkI don't define success by how much money someone makes. I don't define success by how many trophies or plaques or awards someone has.
I don't define it by membership in exclusive clubs or the ability to name-drop about someone's famous friends.
I don't define it by how many luxury cars or opulent homes someone might own or how many sumptuous vacations they might taken in exotic locales all over the globe.
I don't define success...oh, hell, I'm just kidding. Actually, all that stuff is fantastic!
Tags: success
To the newcomer to the south, hearing that a coworker plans a weekend visit to 'mama and them's' (the correct plural possessive, don'tchaknow), might make him think that mama has been left alone either throught an act of scoundreldom involving the town's resident hoochie-mama (an altogether different kind of mama) or Daddy's untimely demise.
Celia RivenbarkCarbohydrates from the Latin, carbo which means "yummy" and hydrates which means "cinnamon bun," are not something I can eliminate or even drastically cut back on.
Celia RivenbarkTags: humor carbohydrates yummy
Why clone cats when there's perfectly good Russell Crowe lying around?
Celia RivenbarkTags: russell-crowe
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