The Emperor decided to make a proclamation to his troops about the importance of compassion in the face of the rising tide of heinous fuckery and political weaselocity in the nearby kingdom of the United States.

Christopher Moore


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Shoes off in the whale! And don't try and make a break for the anus.

Christopher Moore

Tags: humor



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Stop," I said. "Please do not further endorken yourself to me. You have great hair and a car that is most fly, and you have just saved me with your mad ninja driving skills, so do not sully your heroic hottie image in my mind by further reciting your nerdy scholastic agenda. Don't tell me what you're studying, Steve, tell me what's in your soul. What haunts you?"
And he was like, "Dude, you need to cut back on the caffeine.

Christopher Moore


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It's like time travel only, you know, slower...

Christopher Moore

Tags: humor-science



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The music coming from inside sounded like robots fucking. And complaining about it. In rhythmic monotone. European robots.

Christopher Moore

Tags: christopher-moore you-suck



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Actually, orcas aren't quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.

Christopher Moore

Tags: fluke christopher-moore



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Like bear...

Christopher Moore


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Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.

Christopher Moore


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Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.

Christopher Moore

Tags: parents



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Tommy had felt alone in a crowd before, even inferior to everyone in a crowd, but now he felt, well, different. It wasn't just the clothes and the make up, it was the humanity. He wasn't part of it. Heightened senses or not, he felt like he had his nose pressed against the window, looking in. The problem was, it was the window of a donut shop.

Christopher Moore

Tags: humor



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