Let me say right here, if I haven't made it clear, that I have seen as many pale, naked old-man parts in the last twenty-four hours to bruise my delicate psyche for a lifetime, so don't be surprised if you someday find me wandering the moors at midnight, a crazed look in my eye, babbling about albino Tater Tots nesting in Brillo pads and being pursued by sagging man ass, because that shit can happen when you've been traumatized.
Christopher MooreTags: humor
Oh, I would while away the hours,
Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song,
I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie,
If I only had a schlong.
If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it.
If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil.
If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape.
If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions.
All books reveal perfection, by what they are or what they are not.
May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them.
May you find perfection, and know it by name.
Tags: lamb
He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.
Christopher MooreIt's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.
Christopher MooreTags: sarcasm
Mr. Fresh looked up. "The book says if we don't do our jobs everything could go dark, become like the Underworld. I don't know what the Underworld is like, Mr. Asher, but I've caught some of the road show from there a couple of times, and I'm not interested in finding out. How 'bout you?"
"Maybe it's Oakland," Charlie said.
"What's Oakland?"
"The Underworld."
"Oakland is not the Underworld!"
"The Tenderloin?" Charlie suggested.
The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room.
Christopher MooreTags: humor doctor-s-waiting-room netherworld
The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear.
Christopher MooreI've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.
Christopher MooreI think there was always some scrawny dreamer sitting at the edge of the firelight, who had the ability to imagine dangers, to look into the future in his imagination and see possibilities, and therefore survived to pass his genes on to the next generation.
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