When you need to borrow money the Mob seems like a better deal I think. 'You don't pay me back I break both yer legs.' Is that all? You won't take my house or wreck my credit rating? Fine where do I sign. Legs? Fine. You don't even have to sign anything.

Craig Ferguson

Tags: money recession credit mob real-estate banking



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Oh Satan you're a wily one.

Craig Ferguson

Tags: intelligence satan cunning



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I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.

Craig Ferguson

Tags: art comedy audience



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I don't think wood was discovered in Britain until the 1970's. That's when I discovered it anyway.

Craig Ferguson

Tags: sexuality britain puberty



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With good parody, you have to be smarter that the people you’re parodying.

Craig Ferguson

Tags: intelligence parody



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I have that hypocrisy of a parent in that I'm like,'Come on, you've got to toughen up at the same time let me take care of that for you.

Craig Ferguson

Tags: hypocrisy parenthood



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I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.

Craig Ferguson

Tags: dragon



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My job is to find the politicians and the presidents and the pompous people who are telling other people how to live, powerful, visible creatures and ... go at them.

Craig Ferguson

Tags: politicians presidents talk-show-host



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Its like a sort of internet Ren Fair. Its like Dungeons

Craig Ferguson

Tags: popularity twitter d-d



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I do a public access show with puppets. Puppets called actors, TV and movie stars.

Craig Ferguson

Tags: actors actresses tv puppets talk-show-host



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