What fresh hell is this?

Dorothy Parker

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Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Dorothy Parker

Tags: humor

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I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.

Dorothy Parker

Tags: the-little-hours

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I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.

Dorothy Parker

Tags: obscurity the-new-yorker inconsequence

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You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

Dorothy Parker

Tags: horticulture puns

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The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

Dorothy Parker

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I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.

Dorothy Parker

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By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Infinite, undying.
Lady make note of this --
One of you is lying.

Dorothy Parker

Tags: love passion cynicism lying courtship

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And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.

Dorothy Parker

Tags: humor writing on-writing flaubert

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People Who Do Things exceed my endurance;
God, for a man that solicits insurance!

Dorothy Parker

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