I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humor housekeeping toilet-tissue



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Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humor fashion



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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humor mothers



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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humor surprise spontaneity



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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: dreams courage bravery openness sharing self-disclosure



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Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!

Erma Bombeck

Tags: diet abstinence self-indulgence



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I come from a home where gravy is a beverage.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: food



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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humor housekeeping chores



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In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: diets weight weight-loss



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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip

Erma Bombeck

Tags: baseball gossip



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