I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
Fran LebowitzAs a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
Fran LebowitzTags: teenagers
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.
Fran LebowitzThe best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.
Fran LebowitzPresently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram.
The rigors of learning how to do long division have been a traditional part of childhood, just like learning to smoke. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the two go hand in hand. Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.
Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
Fran LebowitzTags: life-story
I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.
Fran LebowitzRomantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
Fran LebowitzTags: love
No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
Fran LebowitzTags: pets
I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.
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