Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture.
George CarlinTags: humor
In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
George CarlinInstead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck
George CarlinTags: humor
I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
George CarlinThe mai tai got its name when two Polynesian alcoholics got in a fight over some neckwear.
George CarlinTags: humor
I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush.
George CarlinTags: humor
THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.
George CarlinThe child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George CarlinTags: humor
I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
George CarlinTags: humor
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George CarlinTags: humor
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