I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George CarlinTags: humor funny alcohol laugh warning-labels
I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.
George CarlinI'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.
George CarlinAvoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
George CarlinSo I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today.
George CarlinSo I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
George CarlinTags: military-life-air-force-bombs
The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
George CarlinNever let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
George CarlinI wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade
George CarlinI knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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